These kinds of articles are always a bit awkward, so I’ll try to keep this one short.
I have made my opinion on the movie adaptation of the Phantom of the Opera clear already, and nitpicked both it and the original version on previous occasions.
However, I have discovered, embarrassingly late, that I have made a huge mistake when I wrote the first article on the subject.
And of course, the reason I’m writing this is the same as when I wrote similar addendum articles, for example about Die Another Day.
And that reason is this: I know that I have my faults. I can be condescending, arrogant, opinionated and get obsessively hung up on small, seemingly unimportant details.
I know that I’m not a writer. I am not a movie maker, I am not an expert in any aspect of creating a movie or a game or anything else I write about.
Bottom line is that I cannot make any claims of objectivity. I can, however, do my best to be honest. For all my faults, I am not a liar. I will not lie or knowingly spread information that I know to be incorrect.
It harms the point I’m trying to make and diminishes my credibility.
It’s true that I could, very easily, just go in and edit the mistake out of the article, and nobody would ever know.
But I think it’s important that, when I find that I am blatantly, obviously wrong, I should admit it and set the record straight.
Which brings me to the subject of this addendum.
(Spoiler: it has nothing at all to do with what I said about Gerard Butler. Sorry if you’re disappointed by this.)
I mentioned that I have an issue with the idea that the Phantom keeps a pipe organ in his secret hideout. And I stated that since this takes place in 1870, that means there was no electricity to supply power to the bellows of the organ. In other words, the Phantom would need someone else to work the bellows.
And as you probably figured out by now… that’s actually a load of crap. By the 1870’s, there were many different methods for working bellows in pipe organs, such as steam or water power.
And while I may have been right that electricity wasn’t an option (which I’m not completely certain about), my claim that the absence of an electric motor means you’d need another person is not accurate at all.
Now, this mistake would be bad enough, but the real annoyance for me is the fact that a simple google search would have told me this, and it would only have taken me about three minutes, if I had bothered to look.
But I didn’t, so I made a big, obvious, stupid mistake, and I apologize.
That said, that detail does not change the fact that the Phantom keeping a pipe organ in his lair is still very stupid and impractical, when compared to having a piano or harpsichord. Even when you play your hardest on a piano, it’s likely to be more quiet than a pipe organ. It’s also far better suited for composing and easier to maintain.
So, as awkward as writing this has been, I can at least take solace in the fact that while the detail was wrong, the main point is still valid.
I’ve decided to once again take a look at The Phantom of the Opera, and the confusing details therein. Not just the movie, but the musical itself.
Now, before we begin, let me just warn you. I will not discuss Gerard Butler in this article. I’ve already said all I have to say on the subject last time. If you haven’t read it, I suggest you do so here. If you are reading this because you want to see me rage about Butler and his portrayal as the Phantom, you will be disappointed.
With that out of the way, let’s begin.
Now, my main issue today concerns Don Juan Triumphant, the opera which the phantom presents to the theater managers in the musical.
My issue with this is twofold. The first part is simple. The opera makes ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE WHAT SO EVER!
Let’s go over the lyrics, detailing the plot of the opera.
Passarino: Your young guest believes I’m you,
I, the master, you the man.
Don Juan: When you met, you wore my cloak,
With my scarf you hid your face.
She believes she dines with me
In her master’s borrowed place!
[…] Passarino: I come home, I use your voice, slam the door like crack of doom.
Don Juan: I shall say: “come – hide with me! Where, oh, where? Of course – my room!”
You follow that? Here, let me break it down for you. Don Juan (A) wants to sleep with the maiden Aminta (B) and asks his servant Passarino (C) for help. So A sends C to B, dressed as A, so B will think C is actually A, inviting her to dinner. Except C hid his face so B wouldn’t notice C not being A, despite B presumablynever having met either A or C, seeing as A’s entire plan would fall apart otherwise. A will then pretend to be C during the dinner with B, with C coming home pretending to be A, so A can take B into his chamber which presumably in reality belongs to C, and sleep with B.
At this point, Travis (T) really feels like finding Andrew Lloyd Webber (L) and beat him over the head with a shovel (S)!
WHY THE FUCK DOES HE SEND PASSARINO IN DISGUISE!? Why doesn’t he go in disguise himself?! Why is he in disguise at dinner? In fact, why a disguise at all?! If she is familiar with Don Juan to the point he has to disguise himself, wouldn’t she find it strange that she was invited to Don Juans home by a man who refused to show his face at any point, and sounds radically different at dinner compared to when he invited her?! This makes no sense!
And I wouldn’t be so annoyed by this, if they didn’t go out of their way to explain what the fucking plan was! Andrew Lloyd Webber sat down, read this, and decided “Yes, this makes perfect sense to me.”
But hey, I suppose it’s ok if it’s a bit nonsensical. You could argue that the opera is just a means to an end for the Phantom. It’s just a way for him to get Christine. It’s not like he spent a long time on this opera or anything…
Oh wait, that’s right…
See, my second issue with the Opera in the musical is that it’s completely missing the point of the Opera from the book!
In the book, you know what Don Juan Triumphant is? It’s the Phantom’s Magnum fucking Opus! He has spent over 20 years writing it, and when it’s first introduced, he claims that when it is finished, he will be finished with life. The opera itself is encapsulating his loneliness, his sorrow, his suffering, his hopes and his dreams!
At one point, Christine asks him to play some of it. His response:
You must never ask me that. […] I will play you Mozart, if you like, which will only make you weep; but my Don Juan, Christine, burns.
That’s what the opera is! The Phantoms soul, lain bare in the medium of an operatic score that “Makes pain divine”.
But why keep that, when you can just make it a nonsensical mess that he cobbled together in six month, as part of a plan to get to Christine!
Not to mention that the ONLY REASON this plan worked at all, is because apparently, nobody in the fucking audience could tell that the Phantom took Piangis place!
Which, again, wouldn’t bother me, if they didn’t outright state IN THE FUCKING MUSICAL, that they would have people with guns around, and the entire production was for the express purpose of taking out the phantom!
The one reason this thing is happening, and nobody notices the Phantom, on stage, singing?!
Everyone involved in this is an idiot!
Gah!
Well, this turned out to be a slightly shorter post than I thought it would be… Who knows, I might return to this subject somewhere down the line.
Assuming, of course, that I haven’t been beaten to death for daring to criticize Andrew Lloyd Webber, while also being lenient on Gerard Butler…
Today, we’re going to talk about the movie adaptation of Andrew Lloyd Webbers musical “The Phantom of the Opera”.
But before I get into the nitpicking, I have to address the elephant in the room.
Namely, Gerard Butler as The Phantom.
For years, I’ve heard jokes and heckles about him when it comes to this movie, with people propagating the idea that he can’t sing.
And I’m sorry, but that’s simply not true. He can sing. He’s a decent singer.
However, the problem is that he’s not PLAYING a decent singer. He’s playing The Phantom of the Opera, who is an EXCELLENT singer.
So don’t get me wrong. I will freely admit that Gerard Butler was probably not the right choice for the role of the Phantom. He did a decent job, in a role that called for more than just “Decent”. It probably would have gone over much better if they’d cast someone else, or at the very least dubbed him with someone who could give the required performance.
But that doesn’t mean he can’t sing! He may not be able to sing OPERA, but he can sing!
And on that note, here’s a question. Why doesn’t anyone get pissed at Joel Schumacher or the casting department? You know, THE PEOPLE WHO FUCKING HIRED HIM!? What about Butlers agent, the guy who said “Hey, I know what role would be great for you, Butler”? Why don’t they get any blame?
How come Lloyd Webber, who was THERE DURING BUTLER’S AUDITION, didn’t go “No thanks, you’re not good enough”, if he’s so fucking great with music? Why is all the blame put on Butler?! Be pissed off, by all means, but be pissed off at the people who are responsible!
Now that I got that out of the way, let’s get back to some good ol’ fashioned nitpicking.
For example, the opening scene during the auction. We see a poster being auctioned off, as well as the special music box. And then they bring out the chandelier.
Here’s my question. Why are you selling the chandelier? What house in France, in 1919, is big enough to house a chandelier that big?! Aren’t there much easier ways to get a chandelier in Paris, than to buy one that was involved in a devastating accident?
Which also raises the question of why the hell they saved the chandelier! Was it that important that you kept something that killed tons of people, just so you might be able to auction it off later, instead of, I don’t know, getting a new one and throwing the old one away? They must have kept it just because of the disaster, since they point out that the chandelier is the very one in the disaster, and if that’s the case, what sick asshole is going to go “That thing killed a crapton of people? I need it!”
And don’t tell me they’re selling it for scrap, since if that’s the case, why bother wiring it up to the electric lights!?
Next up, here’s something more specific to the movie. The Phantoms deformity.
My problem is pretty simple. It’s not much of a deformity, is it?
The horror…?
It doesn’t really seem like a “Face that earned a mothers fear and loathing” to me. It just looks like a particularly nasty skin rash.
Remember, this is the 1870’s! You’d probably pass more horrific deformities on your way to a café! In fact, he lives in a damn opera house! Just scrounge some makeup, and the problem is solved!
Compare it to some of the other adaptations.
1925 adaptation1943 adaptation 2011 stage production
Now those are some fucking deformities! Why couldn’t we get something like that?! Instead, the makeup people for this movie seemingly couldn’t put together something better than a bad case of dermititis!
Then again, I suppose that if you made the wound too gruesome, you couldn’t have the Phantom be sexy and mysterious. If you did that, he would have to spend all movie wearing a mask to hide his deformity- Oh, wait….
And finally.
Something that’s been bothering me for a while is the Phantoms lair. I mean, in the book, the reason he knew all sorts of shortcuts and hidden passages in the opera house was because he helped build the place, and he intentionally made it so that he would be able to live in it.
But here, someone else appearantly decided “I’m going to build a huge opera house and fill it with secret passages and hidden tunnels, on the off-chance a deformed child from a travelling circus escapes and needs a place to live”.
Not only is the Phantom a musical genius and an unrepentant murderer. He’s also the luckiest guy who’s ever lived!
And of course, there’s one last thing. Specifically how he, for some reason, decided to put a pipe organ in his home.
Out of all the instruments he could have possibly lugged down into his secret lair, why the hell did he think a pipe organ was the best choice?! I know pipe organs are cool instruments, but come on! He wants to keep hidden, doesn’t he? He lives beneath the opera house because doesn’t want people to find him.
So why the hell would he decide to get, not only one of the loudest musical instruments known to man, second only to the cannons used in the 1812 overture, but also probably the most elaborate instrument in the world?
See, stealing parts for that is a bit fucking tricky, and might get you a bit noticed! Furthermore, how is it powered?! Again, this is 1870! There isn’t any fucking electricity, which means you’d need another person, just to work the bellows!
Why not just get, I don’t know, a PIANO?
As in, that musical instrument used by composers for well over 150 fucking years!?
Now, if it were me, I’d build a piano with a double set of keys to get a good range for composing. I mean, if Emánuel Moór could do it, why not the Phantom?
Or hell, The Phantom is a fucking musical genius! Just write the music in your head! Beethoven was fucking deaf! That didn’t stop him from writing the “Ninth Symphony“, now did it?
Sure, he had an organ in the book as well, but I stand by my opinion. It’s a bad choice for someone who wants to keep hidden. And also, I repeat. In that version HE BUILT THE OPERA HOUSE! I’m guessing he knew how to soundproof the damn place!
Here, he has a metal gate, which I admit is excellent for keeping out intruders, but not so much for keeping the sound of a pipe organ from echoing throughout the catacombs.
Anyway, I think that’s all I’ve got when it comes to this movie.
Do I like this movie? Yes, I’d say so. It has flaws, but I can’t say I regret watching it. At the very least, it got me interested in the novel and the stage production. Maybe that might count for something?
And to those of you who still hate it because of Gerard Butler, look on the bright side. It could be worse.
It could have been Pierce Brosnan playing the Phantom.
Devil in the Details 