The Skyrim Chronicles

Let me paint the scene for you. I’m sitting at home watching youtube movies, when I see a teaser about a game called The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim.

Now, I should explain that as far as The Elder Scrolls goes, I was aware of its existence, but the closest I’d ever gotten to play it was seeing a friend play Oblivion for about 5 minutes. I didn’t think much about it, and all was well.

Unbeknownst to me, it turns out The Elder Scrolls was and is a very popular franchise. So November 11, 2011, when the game was released, the entire universe exploded.

Clips, references, quotes, memes and one throwaway line repeated over and over and over and over in the vain hope it’d become funny eventually

And no, it didn’t.

And of course, the entire world bombarding me, telling me “You have to play Skyrim! It’s Fallout meets Lord of the Rings”.

So one day I was walking through a game store and saw it on a shelf. I thought “Let’s see what all the fuss is about. I loved Fallout 3 and New Vegas, so I should like Skyrim, since they’re both distributed by Bethesda“.

Little did I know the horror that awaited me. Skyrim, while not the worst game I’ve ever played, is without a doubt the most disappointing game I’ve ever had the displeasure to pay money for.

But wait” I hear you say, even though I’m writing this before anyone has even considered reading it. “How can you NOT like Skyrim?!

Well, I’m glad you asked. I will explain, in excruciating detail, why I hate this game. There will be spoilers, there will be anger, and there will be no little amount of swearing. Get ready, people. This is going to get loud, violent and messy.

Now, fans of the game might get upset while reading this and say that “If you don’t like it, you don’t have to play it“.

But that’s the thing! I HAD to play it! That’s what everybody told me! You all but told me that unless I played this game, my life would be incomplete! Well, I played it, I didn’t like it and here is why.

This is my revenge. I give you The Skyrim Chronicles 

Chapter I: In the Beginning…

Chapter II: How to Misuse Your Dragon

Chapter III: A Giant Problem

Chapter IV: The Agony of Choice

Chapter V: A Tale of Two Games

Chapter VI: Technically Speaking

Chapter VII: Mea Culpa


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