GoldenEye

It’s high time, I feel, to talk a bit about James Bond again. And I’m happy to say that this time, I won’t be talking about Die Another Day, or some idiotic fan theory.

No, this time, I will be talking about my absolute favourite entry in the franchise: The 1995 movie GoldenEye.

I have spoken about it before, but this time, let’s get more in depth.

This movie, as I’ve mentioned previously, was the first bond movie I ever saw, and it remains my favourite. However, just because it is my favourite doesn’t mean that it is therefore flawless, which is part of the reason I’m writing this.

Because there are some things about this movie that, while it does not ruin the movie by any means, still are things that bother me somewhat.

So, let’s not waste any time and get right to it!

The first thing I want to talk about is the villain, Alec Trevelyan.

Now, Alec Trevelyan is a really cool concept as a villain, and what makes him so interesting to me is that, while we have had other villains, like the cold-blooded assassin Francisco Scaramanga, the psychotic Max Zorin or the criminal mastermind Ernst Stavro Blofeld, Alec Trevelyan is something we haven’t seen before. It’s clear right from the start that with Alec Trevelyan, it’s personal for Bond.

It’s not just that Alec betrayed England or MI6. He also betrayed Bond. Remember, this is someone Bond considered a friend, who he worked with for years, who’s death affected him deeply and which he blames himself for, even nine years after it happened.

And that someone is now revealed to have faked his death and is leading a criminal syndicate, and all the time they’ve known one another, Trevelyan has been lying to Bond.

In addition, we have Bond not just facing a dangerous opponent, but a rogue MI6 agent, with the same skills and training as Bond, and who also knows him personally. He becomes a dark mirror image of Bond, which also is something quite new.

And this concept was so successful, it was revamped in what’s probably my SECOND favourite Bond movie: Skyfall, in the form of Raoul Silva. It’s to the point where I would say that Skyfall is Daniel Craigs GoldenEye, which I don’t need to tell you is really high praise as far as I’m concerned.

Admittedly, in that case, the villains connection wasn’t with James so much as it was with M, but the motivation was still rooted in perceived betrayal.

In Silvas case, it was M betraying him and allowing him to be captured by the Chinese governments (although the reason they were after him was because he performed unauthorized hacking of the Chinese government).

And in Trevelyans case, the British government betrayed his parents by handing them over to the Soviets (the reason there being they were Russian separatists that collaborated with the nazis during WWII).

In both cases, it’s debateable whether their vendettas are justified, but the point is that their main motivation is that betrayal.

Now, there is sadly one issue in the case of Trevelyan, as much as I do love him as a villain.

You see, the core of his character and the conflict with Bond is that feeling of betrayal from a trusted friend.

and unfortunately, that conflict is a bit weakened by the simple fact that this is the first time we’ve ever heard of Alec Trevelyan!

It’s not like this is Moneypenny or Q, or some other long time staple character of the franchise. So we’re told about this comrade-in-arms and how terrible his betrayal is… despite never having heard of this man before in over thirty years.

It’s sadly an inherent problem, that can’t really be worked around. But even so, I really have to applaud not only the writers, but also Sean Bean and Pierce Brosnan for actually managing to deliver such a great character dynamic and selling it, despite this massive obstacle.

The second and final issue I have is a seemingly minor detail: the pen grenade.

In the movie, Bond receives his gadgets from Q, such as a BMW with stinger missiles, a belt with a rappelling cord and, of course…

A pen. This is a class 4 grenade. Three clicks arms the four second fuse. Another three disarms it

And my first issue is simply… Why three clicks?

Now, I can see why three clicks in rapid succession would arm it. I just don’t see why you would need three clicks to DISARM it.

After all, suppose you click three times, you get ready to throw the grenade… then realize that you don’t have to or want to. After all, it’s a surprise thing, so it’s a one off. You want to make it count.

Surely, then, one click should be enough to disarm it, since timing is SOMEWHAT CRITICAL WHEN YOU’RE DEALING WITH EXPLOSIVES!

But perhaps more crucially, I have a problem with the part with the four second fuse.

See, this is a pretty important detail to get right since the FIRST THING BOND DOES upon getting it is cracking wise, clicking it three times and then going “how long did you say the fuse was”?

And just out of curiosity, I decided to time it, between him clicking it, and Q taking it back and clicking it.

And… well, let me put it this way. By the time Q was halfway through his sentence, you could clean up what was left of the two with a hose and a spatula.

And when he then DEMONSTRATES IT, he clicks three times, and then it blows up… three seconds later.

Now I’m not an EXPERT when it comes to grenades… but one second is a big fucking difference when you’re dealing with an explosive device!

But I think the biggest thing that bugs me about the pen grenade is simply how it’s used in the plot.

To remind you, they capture Bond in the cuban GoldenEye command center. His gun, passport, keys and other things are placed on the desk near them, with the pen being among them.

When Natalya is then captured, Boris greets her with a smile, and Natalya runs over and starts hitting him.

In the confusion, Bonds things fall on the floor next to Boris, and when he gets up, he grabs the pen grenade by mistake.

And again, here’s where the first problem comes in. Because Boris has a habit of clicking pens. And as he gets up, he clicks the pen FOUR TIMES!

That means that Boris should be a wet patch and some scraps of smoldering hawaii shirt on the floor by the time he got back up from the floor!

Again, I wouldn’t harp so much on this, if this wasn’t specifically outlined in the movie, and a CRUCIAL PLOT POINT!

I would also argue that it is a bit ridiculously convenient that the pen just happened to be picked up by the character that just so happens to be a habitual pen clicker!

Not only that, but that despite him clicking the pen several times, with no particular pattern, he snaps at Natalya just when the pen happens to be armed, so Bond can knock it aside and blow shit up.

Too many elements and coincidences have to align for it to work.

Now, you could still have some of these elements, but in such a way that it works. First of all, like I said, suppose it’s three clicks to arm the grenade, and one click to disarm it.

Second, suppose the fuse was longer. Let’s say 10 seconds?

Again, it’s supposed to be a hidden explosive. You could click it three times, leave it on a table or on the floor and just leisurely walk away. You can get far in ten seconds. Certainly out of blast range.

And then, restructure the scene a bit different. Obviously, I’m not a writer, but just humor me.

Let’s say, instead of Boris picking the pen up by accident, which is such a blink-and-you-miss-it detail, he sits at the computer, looks over at the fancy pen on the table, back at his pen, and just picks up the fancier pen.

Instead of getting up and smiling at Natalya, suppose he just swivels around on the chair and greets her. When Natalya tries to attack him, a guard just grabs her and holds her back, with Boris slowly getting up, approaching Natalya, giving a triumphant grin and telling her “I told you. I am invincible”.

You know, really drive home what a smarmy asshole he is. It’s not like we would be starved of him getting comeuppance without Natalya hitting him since, shortly thereafter, we find that while she couldn’t disarm the GoldenEye satellite… she WAS able to reprogram the guidance system, directing it to burn up in the atmosphere, before changing the access codes.

So we have Natalya outsmarting the arrogant shitstain. And then, ten minutes later, we see him being cut off in the middle of celebrating surviving the destruction of the complex by being drenched in liquid nitrogen and turned into a crap-flavoured popcicle.

All in all, really satisfying. But I’m getting sidetracked.

Now, same thing happens from then on. Natalya berating him and Boris assuring Trevelyan that she doesn’t have access to the firing codes, the alarm goes off…

Then, as he starts trying to break her code, he starts clicking the pen, and Bond starts staring at the pen intensely.

Suddenly, suppose Bond makes some comment about  Boris having trouble with the code.

Something like “What a shame, Alec. A lifetime of planning, and it fails because your programmer got locked out of his own computer“.

Trevelyan yells at Boris to hurry up, Boris flinches and fumbles with the pen, and leans over to pick it up.

Bond continues “Careful with that pen” then gives Trevelyan a meaningful look. “It was a gift from Q. Class 4’s aren’t easy to come by, you know…”

Alec looks puzzled at Bond for a moment, then turns to look, first at the stuff on the desk, then Boris and the pen in his hand, before running over and slapping it away.

As Bond drags Natalya to the floor, the pen flies away, lands in the large puddle of fuel on the ground, and explodes.

Now, in this version of things, it hinges on something very crucial.

See, even though Bond didn’t know about Trevelyans true plans or his background, he has still worked with him for years, and just like Trevelyan has an idea of how Bond thinks, Bond knows how Trevelyan thinks, and how he will act under pressure.

A bit of a reversal of Trevelyans line from earlier

It is insulting to think I haven’t anticipated your every move

So instead of a string of coincidences, Bond spots one random opportunity, carefully counts how many times Boris clicks the pen, and then manipulates Alec to inadvertently destroy his own base.

Because Alec doesn’t know about the big puddle of flammable liquid, and Boris doesn’t know who the hell Q is, and therefore that he shouldn’t touch Bonds stuff!

I admit, it’s not perfect, but it’s slightly less contrived, at least to my mind.

But that’s my only real nitpicks about GoldenEye. And despite these things, it’s still my favourite entry in the franchise.

Stellar cast, great story, amazing villain, fantastic lines… it’s just excellent.

I would almost say it’s golden.

…OK, that joke was beneath me. I apologize.