WTFAW: Frozen (Pt. 3)

It seems spring is in the air and we are moving towards warmer times. So what better way to say goodbye to the sleet, snow and ice, than by discussing a theory about Frozen?

Back when we covered a collection of Disney fan theories, there was one theory I left out, on account of having discussed a theory about Frozen at length fairly recently.

But now, I think I’ve recovered enough to deal with whatever madness Dave has in store. So, what is the theory?

Dave: The theory is that Hans was turned evil by the trolls.

I see. And what do you base that on?

Dave: Ok, so Hans starts off as a caring, charming prince who falls in love with Anna, and he’s later shown handing out blankets to people. But suddenly, towards the end, he becomes a cruel, powerhungry monster, willing to murder to seize the throne.


Dave: And in between his introduction and his reveal as the villain, Anna and Kristoff meet the trolls!

Yeah. So what?

Dave: So, the trolls have adopted Kristoff, and they of course want him to be happy! When he comes along with a girl, the trolls start going on about how the two should hook up. Then, they find out that she’s actually engaged, and immediately start discussing how it’s a “flexible thing” and even tell Kristoff  to “get the fiancé out of the way and the whole thing will be fixed”. We already know they can alter peoples minds, because they altered Anna’s memories of her childhood. They could have done something similar to Hans, to split him and Anna up so she could end up with Kristoff!

All right, let’s begin, shall we?

There are a few problems with this theory. First of all, what they did to Anna was slightly alter her memories, tweaking them in simple ways. What you are suggesting is full on rewriting Hans’ personality. Those are NOT the same thing! Also, there’s only one troll shown to be able to alter the minds of people: The troll elder, Grandpabbie, and he doesn’t strike me as the “alter peoples minds just for kicks” type. He simply isn’t as impulsive as the rest of the trolls, which might be the reason he’s the wise elder entrusted with the knowledge of magic.

Dave: But suppose the other trolls convinced him? Isn’t that a possibility?

Well, the possibility does exist, but even if that is the case, the only time we see that kind of magic performed, it required the subject to be physically there. Why else would the King bring Anna to the trolls? There’s nothing to suggest the trolls can use that kind of magic over vast distances.

Not to mention that if they’re trying to match Kristoff with Anna, turning Hans evil is an incredibly complicated way to do it!

Think about it. If this was all part of their plan, they would turn Hans into a killer, and hope that he won’t just stab Anna, but simply refuse to help her and leave her to die, and then that Anna, despite being on the brink of death, tries to save Elsa, and is miraculously saved, and then hope that she falls in love with Kristoff…

It seems overly convoluted, doesn’t it? Wouldn’t it be easier to just alter Anna’s mind to make her fall in love with Kristoff?

Dave: But that would be immoral and evil!

And turning a man into a murderer to help your adoptive son isn’t?! At least with this plan, there’s less of a chance of the girl you’re trying to pair up with your son BECOMING A FUCKING ICE SCULPTURE FOR ALL ETERNITY!

But the main issue, to me, is that you claim that Hans begins all friendly and charming and lovely, and then he turns evil for no reason.

Which is true… so long as you ignore that scene when he explains his motivation for his actions.

As thirteenth in line in my own kingdom, I didn’t stand a chance. I knew I’d have to marry into the throne somewhere. […] As heir, Elsa was preferable of course, but no one was getting anywhere with her. But you? You were so desperate for love, you were willing to marry me just like that!

Maybe this is just me, but it seems pretty clear this wasn’t some sudden impulse brought on by magic. This was his plan right from the start!

Dave: But he was so charming…

Oh, gee, I wonder why! Could it be because he’s A COMPLETE, MANIPULATIVE FUCKING PSYCHOPATH?

He wanted Anna to fall in love with him! Then when he finally DID marry her, he could cause Elsa to have a little “accident“, and voilá! He’s the king of Arendelle! Mission accomplished! When that plan failed, he found himself with Anna dying, and Elsa facing execution. Letting Anna die and blaming Elsa would present him as the hero who killed the “wicked winter witch“. Again, mission accomplished, and this time, no queen to worry about!

The trolls had nothing to do with it at all! Hans was evil from word go!

The movie actually highlights how ludicrous it is that Anna and Hans seemingly fall madly in love and getting ready to MARRY within moments of meeting one another! It’s what causes the conflict that caused Elsa to lose control!

This is in contrast to the relationship between Anna and Kristoff, whom she meets, gets to know, and their relationship grows over time! And even then, by the end, they’re not on the verge to be married!

Dave: Uhm…

Has it occured to you that this entire concept is a criticism of the stereotypical fairytale “love at first sight” clicheé?

I mean, it’s not exactly subtle. You can’t have missed it. So why are you so into the idea of Hans being a victim here?

Dave: Because it ties together with another theory!

Oh, son of a…

Dave: The theory is that Hans can control fire!

Wait, what?!

Dave: Think about it. Isn’t it strange that Hans is constantly wearing gloves?

Not really… In fact, plenty of other characters also wear gloves…

Dave: Well, it could be because he has secret powers too! He’s a mirror image of Elsa!

But… wouldn’t that mean Hans is also struggling to keep those powers under control? That was the whole reason Elsa wore gloves, after all. Yet, at no point does he seem to show any powers what so ever!

Dave: That could be because just like Elsa, he is worried about fear and prejudice because of his powers! At one point, he tells Elsa to “not be the monster they think [she] is”. That suggests he knows what she’s going through.

Yes… Alternatively, it could have something to do with that aforementioned manipulative trait I mentioned. You know, making her trust him enough so he can enact his plan?

Dave: But some of his outfits seem to have a flame motif…

Which would mean something, if Elsa wore clothes with a winter motif. But the clothes she wears during her coronation are NOT snow themed. She does wear a winter themed dress, but that is AFTER she has decided to no longer hide her powers and build her ice castle. Hans’ clothes are tailor made. If he is trying to keep those powers under wraps, why would he highlight the fact he has them by wearing an outift that implies it?!

And if he had those power, wouldn’t he try to USE them at some point in the movie?

Dave: Aha, but he does!


Dave: When he reveals his plan, he removes one of his gloves, and snuffs out a candle.

…That’s it?

No fireballs? No flame cascades? No towering inferno of apocalyptic proportions…

He snuffed out a candle with his fingers, so now he’s a flame wizard?

I hate to break it to you, but THAT’S NOT MAGIC!

But let me get this straight… You’d rather support both these theories, neither of which work, rather than the idea that “love at first sight” is a ridiculous clicheé?

Is it really so unthinkable that marriage might be a somewhat serious issue and not something you can just rush into?

Dave: You can, if it’s true love!

What the fuck do you know about true love?!

Dave: More than you!


Dave: You just know how to shut people out!

Oh dear god. You’re either trying to be funny, or you’re actually trying to disprove my argument by quoting the movie at me… Either way, I’m going to leave now, otherwise, there’s a very real chance I might feed you very slowly into a meatgrinder.

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