WTFAW: Frozen/Tangled

Dave: Hey! I’ve found a cool fan theory about Frozen

Of course you have. Here I was thinking that hey, it’s a new year! A new start, with new horizons! But no, let’s instead go back to the same subject we’ve covered twice already. I’m sure that’ll be much better…

Dave: Well, it’s about Tangled as well…

Oh, great. I’m so much happier now. What is it, then?

Dave: Guess!

No, I don’t want to. In fact, I actively refuse.

Dave: Aw, come on, don’t be boring! Why not?

Because I am at a disadvantage. See, I am a fully rounded and sane person, and because of that, my guesses are founded in reason and logic. In other words, I am incapable of imagining the kind of theories you offer on a regular basis. I literally cannot think that stupidly.

So, how about you save us both a lot of time, and just tell me the god damn theory!

Dave: Alright, killjoy. The theory is that Elsa and Anna are not siblings.

Is that all?

Dave: Well… No. The whole theory is that Elsa is actually adopted, and her parents are the king and queen from Tangled, and Rapunzel is her twin.

But… Rapunzel and Elsa don’t look alike.

Dave: They’re fraternal twins, obviously!

You see!? I couldn’t make that up if I tried! We would have been here for ages!

Dave: You’re just being silly. You haven’t even heard the arguments yet. And when you do, I think you’ll change your tune.

Well, hope, much like stupidity, springs eternal. But fine, let’s hear the arguments.

Dave: OK, first off, we never get an explanation for where Elsa’s powers came from. Rapunzel and Elsa both got magic powers from Rapunzels mother drinking that magic potion!

When the trolls ask Anna’s father whether Elsa was born with the power or cursed, the king pauses before answering. And Elsa and Anna both have blue eyes.

Wait, how does that last one matter?

Dave: Anna’s mother and father have green and blue eyes, respectively. Their odds of having a child with blue eyes is 50/50. Rapunzels parents also had blue and green eyes, and her eyes are green. It’s therefore more likely that Elsa is Rapunzels sister, because it’s more likely that they’d have one child with blue eyes and one with green than Anna’s parents having two children with blue eyes.

Oh dear god, that was painful to read. What the hell are you talking about?!

It’s not “more likely” at all! Just because they had one kid with blue eyes doesn’t mean the second child is more likely to have green eyes! The odds are STILL 50/50, because it’s the same genes involved! The odds don’t change!

As for Elsa’s powers, it’s true that we never find out the origin. But here’s a question for you. Does it matter where they came from? With Tangled, knowing where Rapunzels powers came from is crucial to the plot. However, with Frozen, we don’t need anything beyond “she was born with them” to understand the story. The point isn’t where they come from, but how she deals with them and how they affect her. THAT is what is important. Knowing where they come from doesn’t change anything.

Dave: But why did her father stutter when they asked him, then? He paused, because he wasn’t there when she was born!

Yes, that could be it. Or maybe it was the fact that one of his daughters is in a coma, and he’s asking a bunch of talking rocks for help. Doesn’t it seem reasonable that his first sentence should start with “uh”? And that’s all this supposed “stutter” or “pause” was. Him saying “uh” apparently translates to “I don’t know, because this child is not my offspring”. You are just grasping at straws.

But really, why would Rapunzel’s parents give up Elsa and send her away?

Dave: To protect her from Gothel!

But… that makes no sense! When would they have done that? We only see Gothel kidnap Rapunzel, and we see no other child during that entire opening scene. If she had a twin, why doesn’t Elsa appear anywhere in the opening?

Dave: I knew you’d ask that! That opening was given by Eugene, and he is not a reliable narrator! He only gives the information he has, which didn’t include Elsa!

…Even though some of that information, he couldn’t possibly know, like Gothels discovery of the flower, or where the flower came from?

Dave: He could have learned that, somehow!

OK, so let me get this straight. The King and Queen lost one of their daughters, and their way of protecting their remaining daughter so thay they don’t lose her… is to send her away to Arendelle, never to see her again, and only making a mosaic of Rapunzel, essentially pretending that Elsa didn’t exist at all?

That sounds… counter-intuitive at best…

Dave: Yes, but it’s a sacrifice worth making, if it means she’s safe!

But if she’s adopted, how did she become queen of Arendelle?

Dave: Because she’s the oldest child, obviously! She is therefore the next in line.

But she’s not the child of the king and queen of Arendelle! If she’s adopted, she’s NOT in line to the throne at all! Anna is the crown princess in that case! That’s how a line of succession works!

Dave: Well… uhm…. never mind! I’ve got more arguments! Both Rapunzel and Elsa are blonde!

Well, yes and no. Rapunzel really has brown hair, but it’s a different colour because of the flower. But even ignoring that, they’re not the same type of blonde. Rapunzel has golden hair and Elsa has platinum hair. Rapunzels hair matches the flower that granted her power, and Elsas hair is lighter, keeping with the snow motif.

Which is another point. If they both have magic from the same source, shouldn’t they get the same powers? Why, if this theory is true, does only Rapunzel get the power of the flower, and Elsa gets ice powers that are completely unrelated?

Dave: But they DO have similar powers! Look at the finale for both movies. Eugene gets stabbed and dies. Anna gets frozen and dies. Both are revived by magic powers their wielders had no idea they had. Elsa and Rapunzel have that exact same power, and it manifests in the exact same way!

Oh, of course! You’re right, they’re completely identical!

Except for, you know, all the very important ways they differ. For example, Eugene didn’t die. He was mortally wounded and near dead. One might say he was mostly dead. But as we’ve learned from The Princess Bride:

There’s a big difference between MOSTLY dead and ALL dead.

Anna, on the other hand, was frozen solid, her last act being saving Elsas life. Her revival had nothing to do with Elsas magic, but rather the act of true love, saving her sister. You know, like they explain LITERALLY TEN SECONDS LATER!

And Rapunzels power is not “new” at all! Her power was always healing in nature! We’re talking magic that can restore the youth and beauty of people. It could keep Gothel young and vibrant for centuries! A stab wound? That’s a fucking cakewalk!

Not to mention that we SEE it heal wounds in the movie! Eugene cuts his hand, and Rapunzel heals it! All that happens when he got healed at the end, is the last iota of her magic doing what IT HAS ALREADY BEEN SHOWN TO DO!

And let’s not forget that you still haven’t explained why the frostbite fuck Elsa randomly got ice powers that have nothing to do with the powers of youth and healing magic granted by the flower.

Oh, and their magic is radically different for two other, important reasons.

First: Elsa’s powers can be used for both offence and defence, whereas Rapunzels powers can only heal.

Second and perhaps more importantly: Elsa controls her powers.

Dave: What do you mean?

Nobody can use Elsa’s powers except her. Their form and extent are controlled by her emotions and her will. The healing magic of the flower is controlled by the song, both before and after Rapunzel was born. If she wants to use her magic, she has to sing. In fact, anyone who knows the song can use her power, so long as they have her close by.

She is only a vessel for the power, whereas Elsa is the wielder of hers. If they both got powers from the flower, both would require that same activator.

And of course, there’s the two major, resounding, gaping holes in this theory, which you, unsurprisingly, have either missed or ignored.

You’ve paid close enough attention to notice that both Elsa and Rapunzel are blonde. But you’ve not only missed the difference in hair colour, but also something far more important.

Elsa has shorter hair than Rapunzel. Her hair is shoulder length. Logically, she’s had a haircut in her 21 years.

Dave: Yeah. And?

Well, since I have to spell it out for you, there was a reason Rapunzel had long hair. If she cuts her hair, IT TURNS BROWN AND STOPS GROWING! That is a major fucking plot-point in the movie! It’s the reason Gothel kidnapped her to begin with! If this theory was true, it’d mean Elsa CANNOT HAVE SHORT, BLONDE HAIR AT HER AGE, because it’d turn brown!

Dave: Oh… well, I suppose…

And finally, and most importantly, I return to my first argument.

Elsa and Rapunzel look nothing alike!

Dave: I told you! They’re FRATERNAL twins!

Yeah, I heard you. But you’re missing the point. Rapunzel doesn’t look like Elsa. But you know who does?

Dave: Uh…

Her younger sister!

They’re virtually fucking identical, apart from make-up, hair and height!

You know why? Because they were designed to look alike, SINCE THEY ARE SISTERS!

Dave: Oh…

So for all those reasons, Dave, this theory does not work!

I’m almost impressed. The amount of time, detail and effort you have poured into this theory is amazing.

I can’t believe that you’d spend so much effort trying to prove something so stupid. If I may paraphrase; seldom has so much time been wasted in writing so much, meaning so little.

I feel like I’ve aged about 50 years, writing about this. Come here, Dave. Let me touch your hair

Dave: What? You think that my hair can make you younger?

No, I just want something to hold onto while I slam your face against the table.

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