WTFAW: Frozen (Pt. 2)

It’s time to revisit the movie that started off Why The Fans are Wrong, the disney pixar phenomenon Frozen.

Dave: That’s right, and lately, there is a theory about this movie that not only has gained popularity, but is far more interesting than the idea that Tarzan is Elsa and Anna’s kid brother.

Oh, joy. And what theory might that be?

Dave: The theory is that Elsa is a lesbian.

Interesting. And what arguments do you have to support this?

Dave: In the movie, Anna gets herself not one, but TWO guys who are interested in her, right?

Yes…?

Dave: Meanwhile, Elsa doesn’t seem to approach any guy in the movie, nor do any guys approach her.

I see. What else?

Dave: What do you mean? That’s it.

What? That’s all you’ve got?!

Dave: Pretty much.

Aha…. All right, let’s begin then.

First off, you say that the fact that no guys seem interested in her is evidence for the theory… Just out of curiosity, Dave, do you know what sexuality is?! Sexuality is somewhat defined by who you find attractive, not the OTHER WAY AROUND!

Also, there’s a pretty good reason nobody approaches Elsa romantically. The only occasion they might have done that is at the big party, right?

Dave: Yeah.

Now, what was that party about? What was the reason for the party, again… Oh right, ELSA’S FUCKING CORONATION!

I admit, I’m not an expert of aristocratic etiquette, but I’m pretty certain that going to a coronation and FLIRTING WITH THE QUEEN is a pretty big faux pas! It’s not exactly dignified behavior in high society! Flirting with Anna is a different matter, because she’s the princess. She’s not the main player at this social gathering.

Now, moving swiftly along…

You say that Elsa is lesbian, because she doesn’t seem to seek out any guys in the movie. Maybe we watched different movies, but I don’t recall her approaching any girls either. But hey, I suppose there’s no other reason for her not seeking out a romantic partner. It’s not like she’s been raised for probably more than a decade under the belief that her powers are dangerous, and that she has to suppress her emotions.

Oh wait, yes she has. In fact, it’s THE DRIVING CATALYST OF THE ENTIRE MOVIE!

Remember what she was taught by her father?

Conceal it, don’t feel it, don’t let it show

And then you claim that when she doesn’t go up to the first good looking guy at a party and bats her eyes at him, it proves she’s a lesbian?

Of course it doesn’t! She doesn’t approach anyone, because she has been raised to believe she should isolate herself from everyone, including her own sister. She has been living her life terrified at the idea that she might hurt someone she cares about, something she knows for a fact she has done once already!

Personally, if I were to assume any sexuality, I would say it’s far more likely, considering her upbringing and past, that she’s become ASEXUAL.

Dave: But wouldn’t it be nice if she was lesbian?

Oh, absolutely! I wouldn’t object to her getting a girlfriend in some later movie. As long as it’s not Anna, go right ahead.

Dave: Then this theory should get a pass, shouldn’t it?

No, it shouldn’t! It’s still a stupid theory, because the arguments you have presented do not add up! It requires you to ignore crucial plot details for it to work, and even then, I’d argue the theory does more harm than good to the movie.

Dave: What? Why?

Because making it all about sexuality takes away something very important from the character.

Think about it. She’s a main character, a FEMALE main character, that isn’t defined or motivated by a love interest. Do you have any idea how rare that is in a movie?! She is a female character who has nothing to do with a romantic story. Anna has the romantic arc, not Elsa. Her story does not need romance to function!

And you want to take that away, because “It would be nice if she’s lesbian”? For a little experiment, consider this: Suppose, for a second, that Elsa’s character was male. Suppose the character was named Elias, and went through the same story arc.

Do you seriously think this theory would exist, about him being gay? Do you think there would be hashtags going around twitter, demanding that disney should #GiveEliasABoyfriend?

Jim Hawking in Treasure Planet was a male character, who did not go through any kind of romantic arc in the movie. Instead it was about him embarking on a character building journey in a massive treasure hunt, and finding a father figure in John Silver. There are no petitions about him getting a boyfriend, are there?

But here, because Elsa’s a girl in a movie, she MUST have a partner! Lesbian or not, the theory is, albeit unintientionally, cementing the idea that girls in movies have to be defined by romance.

Also, if you make Elsa lesbian, because she would be the only confirmed lesbian character in the movie, that indirectly implies that the reason she can do magic is BECAUSE she is lesbian.

And while I do agree that there are few stories that cannot be improved by adding a lesbian character, saying that they are literally magical might be going a bit too far.

And of course, there’s the final problem that, ultimately, this theory is pointless! Really, what difference does this theory make? What does it mean, in regards to the rest of the movie?  Does it change Elsa’s motivation? Does it change the context of the story? No, it doesn’t. Nothing changes at all! It just influences events in a potential SEQUEL.

All this theory is going to accomplish is that, if they make a sequel and Elsa DOESN’T get a girlfriend, people will be outraged, for no other reason than Disney ignoring their fan fiction!

Dave: But it would be so cool! I mean, she could fall in love with a princess from another nation, only this woman can control fire and-

Dave, it’s up to you. You can either stop talking and we can wrap this up, or I can smash your kneecaps with a lump hammer.

Dave: I’ll… stop talking.

Good choice.

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