WTFAW: The Lion King

Well, Christmas has come and gone, and the new year is upon us. As I look back at the year, I can’t help but feel pride in what we have accomplished, and be filled with hope for the year that is to come…

Of course, I’m sure something will happen to remind me that joy, ultimately, is transitory…

Dave: Hi!

And Dave is proving as dependable as ever…

So, what spawn of madness have you brought today? Of course. after the miserable crap-fest that was Pan, I defy you to bring me something that’ll piss me off more.

Dave: Nah, this is nothing like that. It’s just a fan theory about The Lion King.

Excuse me…?

Dave: I said-

I heard what you said. You are seriously about to bring me a fan theory about The Lion King? My favourite movie of all time? The film that pretty much defined my entire childhood? Arguably one of the greatest movies ever made?

I’m curious, Dave. Are you actually this stupid, or are you just actively hoping I’ll kill you?

Dave: Come on, don’t be so dramatic. It’s the holiday season! Besides, this theory actually makes sense.

Well, of course it does! Why else are we talking about it… But fine. The festive season does make me slightly more generous than I would be otherwise, so I’ll humour you.

Dave: Great! So, the theory is that Mufasa is actually a god!

I have to agree. he IS pretty badass.

Dave: No, I mean an actual Deity, complete with supernatural powers.

I see. And what, pray tell, has lead you to this conclusion?

Dave: Well, remember how the pride lands looked during the whole first part of the movie? It’s all lush and green and beautiful. When Scar takes over, it goes all grey and desolated. The idea is that Mufasa is actually a god, and when he died, he used his weather altering superpowers to turn it into a barren, empty wasteland almost devoid of life. And then, when Simba becomes king, Mufasa returns it to it’s original luscious state again. It’d also explain why all the other animals bow before the lions, despite their predator/prey relationship.

Is that all?

Dave: Well, there’s another thing but I’ll keep that just in case-

No, you’re not. I’m not in the mood for games right now. What is the other argument?

Dave: Fine. Mufasa’s spirit survives his mortal body and appears to Simba later.

Anything else? No? Good. Now, before I start addressing these arguments…

Dave: Yes…?

I hope you realize the rage you have induced in me, and that you appreciate that I intend to channel that rage against the fan theory, rather than succumb to the overwhelming urge to strangle you with your own lungs.

Dave: Oh…

As for the fan theory, I’ll start with the second argument first. Mufasa appears in the sky to Simba, which is impressive, I admit.

However, the reason for that isn’t that he’s a god.

Dave: Well, what is it, then?

It’s actually mentioned earlier by Mufasa, after he saved Simba and Nala from the Hyenas.

Let me tell you something that my father told me. Look at the stars. The great kings of the past look down on us from those stars. […] So whenever you feel alone, just remember that those kings will always be there to guide you. And so will I.

And when Simba is told by Rafiki that Mufasa lives on in him, what happens? Mufasa appears IN THE STARLIT SKY to guide him, telling him to take his place as the true king.

Amazing! It’s almost like it’s a callback or something!

Dave: I guess…

Also, isn’t it strange that Mufasa, who is apparantly a god, has a father?

Dave: Lots of gods have fathers! It’s something found in greek, egyptian and norse mythology, among others.

That’s true, but he is also clearly aware of his own mortality, hence the lessons he teaches Simba.

Dave: But how else do you explain that the pride lands become a wasteland soon after Mufasa dies, and return to normal when Simba takes over?

Fine, I’ll explain it. If you’ll be so kind to look at another quote from Mufasa.

Everything you see exists together in a delicate balance. As king, you need to understand that balance, and respect all the creatures, from the crawling ant to the leaping antelope […] When we die, our bodies become the grass, and the antelope eat the grass. And so, we are all connected in the great circle of life.

This is a lesson that has been passed down from father to son, for generations. Mufasa told Simba what his father told him, so that he can tell his children. They learn to maintain the balance, not killing too many antelope

Dave: Uhm…

But Scar was never taught those lessons. Because of this, he doesn’t understand that, to quote Mufasa again, “There is more to being king than getting your way all the time”.

When Scar takes the throne, he is shown to be spoiled, arrogant, sadistic and selfish. He wanted power for its own sake, and he doesn’t understand what it truly means to be king. In the process. he brings another prominent group of predator, the Hyenas, into the pride lands.

Because of this, he upsets that delicate balance of the pride lands, rendering them desolate as a result.

When Simba takes the throne after Scars death, the pride lands are returned to their pristine glory. Because unlike Scar, Simba actually LEARNED what it means to be king!

But hey, I suppose it’s understandable this fan theory would exist. I guess the movie was a bit too subtle with the whole “Circle of Life” motif. It’s only ONE OF THE MAJOR FUCKING THEMES of the movie. It’s not like it’s obvious to anyone who saw the movie and actually gave two shits about what the characters were talking about. OH WAIT, YES IT FUCKING IS!

Congratulations, Dave! Once again, you have not only brought a theory that is stupid, but also, much like the one about The Thing, it’s a masters class in MISSING THE FUCKING POINT!

Back to Main Page


One thought on “WTFAW: The Lion King

  1. I’d like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who has followed my humble little blog this far, subscribers and sporadic readers alike, and I wish you all a very happy new year.

    Here’s hoping the next will be less rage filled (futile as that hope may be).

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s